You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
