I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we're making bets on your personal life
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
