If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
