i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
