I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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