My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
