ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
