I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
