oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
