I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
