so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
