Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
