My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
