she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
