bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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