someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
