Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
