You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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