I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
