ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
