Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
