apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
