I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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