I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
