So drunk its hurt
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
