My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
