You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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