dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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