Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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