we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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