And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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