Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
