You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
