Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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