the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
