I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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