I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
