Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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