I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
