Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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