I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
