She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
