I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
