My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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