Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
