Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
