u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
