Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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