help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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