Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
